


Pretty like you

by Written_in_stone



Category: DreamSMP, Minecraft (Video Game), Sapnap - Fandom, dnf - Fandom, dreamnotfound - Fandom
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Body Dysmorphic Disorder, Body Worship, Bulimia, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, Everyone Is Gay, Fluff, Gay Sex, Hurt/Comfort, Intrusive Thoughts, M/M, Multi, Purging, Threesome - M/M/M, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, dreamwastaken - Freeform, georgenotfound - Freeform, possibly dead dove do not eat, sapnap - Freeform, stop body shaming sapnap ffs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:22:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28447620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Written_in_stone/pseuds/Written_in_stone
Summary: MAJOR TW FOR ED AND BODY DYSMORPHIASapnap basically has body dysmorphia and bulimia
Relationships: Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound/Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream/Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), GeorgeNotFound/Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 33
Kudos: 574





	1. Long day

**Author's Note:**

> HUGE TW FOR EATING DISORDER AND BULIMIA PLEASE DO NOT READ IF IT WILL TRIGGER AN EPISODE
> 
> stay safe love you all <3

Prologue:  
This wasn't the first time sapnap had purged.  
It had started when he was maybe fifteen. It was the first time someone had commented on his weight in gym class. he remembers being out of breath on the four hundred meter dash, he remembers the sweat dripping down his face as his classmates snickered. he especially remembers when his teacher, his TEACHER came up to him and poked him in the stomach making a jab about 'some extra pudge'. he felt disgusting. that night he scoured the internet for ways to lose weight, when he stumbled upon a Reddit post about someone who had bulimia, and how they lost 100 lbs in a year. He had been clean for so long, finally ready to accept his body for what it was. So why was he here? Sat in the bathroom, tears streaming down his face, puking his guts up after maybe two years of sobriety?

Real storytime:

Sapnap knew he wasn't exactly small, I mean, sure. He was short, but he wasn't exactly thin. He wasn't tall and stocky like Dream, or small and cute like George, He was fat. That's what he told himself. fat. the words rung in his ears every time his heart rate rose on a walk, every time Dream or George would ask him to take his shirt off during sex, every time he ate. he hated it, he saw how George or Dream would parade around the apartment shirtless, or even sometimes naked, but Sap couldn't even bring himself to wear shorts around the house. He found himself eating less, not enough to be noticed by his boyfriends, but enough that he didn't have that annoying bloated look when he woke up in the morning

One night, after a particularly long and stressful day, Dream had offered to buy pizza for his two boyfriends and himself, as no one felt like cooking. Sap and George both agreed, and when the pizza arrived they all dug in. Sapnap had only eaten two slices of the two pizzas ordered, but he started to feel the uncomfortable feeling of lack of hunger he had grown accustomed to. His anxiety skyrocketed, and he felt himself zoning out. A somewhat of a coping mechanism he had started using when he wanted to get clean. He hoped neither of his gorgeous boyfriends noticed it, but of course, they did. 

"Sap?"  
It was Dream. gorgeous, tall, muscular, Dream. Sap started to think about how even though he was strong, his muscles were hidden under a layer of fat. He would never look like Dream.  
he was so caught up in his thoughts that he didn't even realize Dream was still looking at him.  
"Sapnap, Love, are you alright?" This time it was George, small, beautiful, thin, George. Sap wished to god he looked as adorable as George did, he wished he could fit into George's hoodies as he could his.  
"Sapnap, talk to us daring." Dream again. this time slightly grabbing his shoulder so as to not startle him but hopefully knock him out of his gaze. "Love what's wrong? you've hardly eaten anything. Are you feeling ok?

Sapnap4 finally came to, he felt the calming weight of his boyfriends hands on him, Dream’s on his shoulder, and Georges on his thigh. His anxiety skyrocketed yet again, sure his boyfriends had seen him nude, but Sapnap was slowly slipping down the spiral of body hatred, he felt twenty times larger than he was, felt the way George's hand pushed slightly into his thigh. He felt tears well up and tried to get away from his boyfriends before they could do anything. He stood up from the couch where they had been sitting, and tried to excuse himself.  
“M- just not feelin’ too great tonight guys, stressful day heh, i'm gonna go to my studio do get some rest.” They all usually shared a room, but each had small beds in their studios for when they needed a power nap alone.

Dream reached up to grab his hand and turned Sapnap to face him, Dream saw the tears in his eyes, and pulled him into a hug.  
“Sap, love, what's wrong? Talk to us darling, what happened today?”  
Sapnap felt George slowly petting his back, trying to calm him as sap stifled his cries. Great, now he was crying.

“Im.. *hic* fine. Ijust need some *sniff* s-sleep. Had a long day.” he pushed his face into Dream's neck.

“Okay darling.” whispered George. “Let's get you to bed, alright?”

Sapnap nodded, and was about to get off of Dream’s lap, when he felt Dream shift and stand up. To his surprise, Dream carried him all the way upstairs and Sap on his bed without even breaking a sweat. That was one thing Sapnap really liked about Dream, was that the man was strong enough to carry him.


	2. Thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sapnap has intrusive thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW FOR INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS AND ED
> 
> please do not read if anything in the tags is triggering to you <3 
> 
> also sorry for the short chapter. ill try to write something longer soon :)

Sapnap’s boyfriends sat on his bed and gave him kisses and hugs. He felt Dream’s hand slowly moving itself up his thigh. He tried to push them away with the excuse that he was tired, and of course they listened. They were good people. They left Sap with a kiss on the head each. Dream was the last to leave.   
“Sap, love, text us if you need anything, okay?”  
“Mhm” Sapnap mumbled, facing away from the door.

He heard the door latch click, and turned so he was on his back. He stared at the ceiling for what felt like ages. Until the thoughts came back to him.  
‘They left you because they think you’re disgusting’ the thoughts whispered to him.  
“No they don't. We've been together for years now.” he argued back.  
‘Have you ever seen Dream leave George that fast? They wouldn't even kiss you on the lips you’re so hourendeos.’

Sapnap was now silently sobbing into his pillow, he couldn't fight the voice in his head. He knew it was right. Why else would Dream and George leave him so fast? Why would Dream bring him upstairs so fast, if not to get away from him. Sapnap heard the TV start up downstairs.  
‘They forgot about you so quickly. Listen. They're watching the office without you.’  
It was true. Sapnap could hear the familiar cheerful jingle of the opening of his favourite show.

They didn't want him there. They thought he was ugly. Why else would he be up here sobbing his eyes out while his boyfriends were watching TV. If they actually loved him, they'd be up here with him. Right?

‘They'd love you more if you were thin.’  
The same thing that had been repeating in his head for the last two years.   
‘They’d love you more if you could fit into George’s hoodies.’  
‘They'd love you more if you lost thirty pounds.’

“They'd love you more if you starved yourself” Sapnap whispered to no one in particular. But it felt true. They'd be able to lay in his lap more comfortably, without his stupid stomach in the way. He’d look cute the way George did. He'd look lean the way dream did. He’d feel better about himself. Right? 

He let the thoughts play out in his head as he slowly drifted off to one of the worst sleeps of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh boy i enjoy writing this type of stuff but it takes a toll on a guy.
> 
> Also next chapter i hope to be the discussion between Dream and George downstairs. I want to write about Sapnap's dream as well probably chapter after next. 
> 
> suggestions, kudos, and comments are all greatly appreciated.
> 
> love you all and stay safe <3


	3. Discussion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dream and George have a short discussion about what the hell just happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: mentions of a dog being put down in the past. nothing graphic at all.
> 
> AGAIN MAJOR TW FOR THIS ENTIRE STORY: EATING DISORDERS AND BODY DYSMORPHIA. (nothing explicitly mentioned in this chapter.)

Downstairs, George and Dream were discussing what happened with Sapnap. Sure, the boy had never been one to have a strong hold on his emotions, but he almost never broke down like that in front of them. The last time he had sobbed in front of his boyfriends was last year, when he had to put down his childhood dog. He sobbed with them for hours, and they were more than willing to listen to his cries and cuddle with him until he fell asleep. But this time it was like he wanted nothing to do with him. Dream had kissed him on the forehead to give him some space to breath, when in reality, he would've rather stuck his tongue down Sap’s throat to muffle his cries. Dream and George hated seeing their boyfriend like this. They needed to talk about it while Sapnap was hopefully asleep upstairs in his office.

George had opened netflix and without thinking picked a show to muffle their voices so Sapnap wouldn't hear them talking.

George sighed and looked at Dream, his eyebrows pinched up in a worried expression, mirrored by george.

“What was that about?” whispered George to Dream, both now sitting on the couch.

“I.. I don't know…” he replied. “I haven't seen him this upset since his dad put down Jupiter last year. And even then, he wanted to be around us.”

“Did you see the way he-” George started.

“Pulled away from us when we touched him? Yeah. I did.” Dream respond. “ He’s usually so touchy, but tonight it was like we were one-thousand degrees hot and he was a wax candle.”

“It was like he was afraid of our hands.” George said aloud, moving his hands up from his lap to look at them.

Dream saw the pained look in George’s eyes, he couldn't fathom one of his boyfriends being upset, let alone two of them.

“Georgie, love, you didn't do anything wrong. Sap just needs his space, and we have to respect that okay? He loves you very uch and so do I”

“I know. You too.”

“Lets get you up to bed love, okay?”

“Okay”

Dream lead George upstairs to their bedroom, taking a quick stop at Sapnap’s studio to check in on him, and potentially take him to their room with them to cuddle before they fell asleep.  
Sapnap was sound asleep when they creaked open the door. The quietly closed it and walked to their shared bedroom.   
Dream pulled George into his arms, George snuggling his head into Dream’s chest. Eventually falling into a deep sleep, Dream following not too long after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This wasn't as difficult to write as the other two, again sorry for the short chapter i'm not good at writing long chapters :/
> 
> as always love you all very much
> 
> kudos are appreciated as well as comments, i love hearing what ya'll have to say abt my writing :)
> 
> hoping to write about Sapnap's dream next, will probably also not be very long.lol


	4. Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sapnap has a dream about the first time binging and purging. READ NOTES PLS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HUGE HUGE HUGE TW FOR THIS CHAPTER: GRAPHIC DESCRIPTION OF BULIMIA AS WELL AS BODY DYSMORPHIA AND BODY SHAMING (ALL IN THE DREAM BUT STILL). PLEASE DO NOT READ IF THIS WILL TRIGGER AN EPISODE.
> 
> VERY VERY TRIGGERING LAUNGUAGE USED

*Sapnap’s dream.*

Sapnap was standing in his kitchen. Only it wasn't his kitchen now, it was his kitchen from when he was fifteen. All over the counter were discarded food wrappers and dirty dishes.

Fuck

He knew this one

It was a dream he’d had before. So many times before.

The dream that’d been plaguing him since he first started to get clean.

It was the first time he’d truly binged.

It was the first time he’d purged.

The dream would play out as such:

Sapnap would eat. He would eat until he felt like he would pop. A wave of anxiety would envelop him. Then he would walk to the bathroom, kneel down, and place two fingers in the back of his throat.

A calming sensation would wash over him as he watched his meal fall out of him, to be flushed away. He felt like he finally had control after losing it during his episode.

Tears would fall from his face as a result of his gag reflex, he would wipe them on a piece of toilet paper, then proceed to wipe the bile off of his mouth, walk over to the sink to brush his teeth, then step on the scale. 

155 LBS it would flash. Mocking him. Taunting him to repeat the process. 

That's when he would wake up.

Except tonight it was different. 

It started the same, Sapnap opening his eyes to find scattered wrappers everywhere, except this time, when he turned around to walk to the bathroom, Dream and George stood there. They looked at him with disgust. Sapnap’s anxiety heightened at his boyfriends seeing him in such a state. Distended stomach and grease lining his mouth.  
“Sapnap.” Dream whispered. “What the hell? What the hell is this?”

“I.. I’m um..” he started but very quickly felt his voice hitch, tears starting to form at the base of his eyes.

“This is fucking disgusting is what it is.” George spat. “Who the hell eats like this?”

“Just gonna let it settle in your gut like that Sap? Jesus Christ. I knew you were fat, but I never thought you'd stoop so low. Holy shit.” Dream gave Sapnap a glare.

“N..no i’m not.” He mumbled. He stepped past them to the washroom, and kneeled in front of the toilet.

“Go on” George said to him. “Were not going find you attractive like this. Push your fingers down. A pig like you deserves it.”

Sapnap could hardly breath, but he forced his fingers down his throat. Hitting his gag reflex and allowing him to feel calm as Dream continued to taunt him.

“You do this, what, every day? And yet you’re still a fat hog. I don’t even know why we date you. You’re impossible to find attractive at this size. Look at George.” Dream pointed at their lean boyfriend. “I can lay in his lap without a huge fat gut in the way.”

“Thats why i love him more.”

Sapnap pushed the last of his food up, and at that moment woke up.

He was sobbing. He didn't even care if his boyfriends heard him. He felt disgusting and terrible and ugly and stupid and 

Fat.

He felt fat.

And for the first time in years, he didn't try to fight the voices in his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like i said, this is a vent fic, ive had dreams like this before, and this is how my ED manifests itself, so please don't say its not realistic, because i honestly dont know how else to write it.
> 
> love you all very much, please remember to eat and drink water.
> 
> Kudos and Comments are very much appreciated :)


	5. Comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dream hears Sapnap crying and tries to comfort him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for intrusive thoughts sort of, as well as body dismorphia. no explicit mentions of ED in this chapter.

Dream had gotten up to pee. Disappointed when he realized Sapnap wasn't with him and George in bed. He was hoping that he’d have calmed down a little and joined him. But that wasn't the case. As he made his way back from the washroom, Dream heard noises coming from Sapnap’s room. He pushed his ear up to the door and heard the unmistakable sounds of crying. 

In that moment Dream felt his heart shatter. Subpoena was still crying. How long had he been awake and sobbing, and Dream just left him there by himself.

Dream gently knocked on the door. He heard the noises get even quieter. He slowly pushed open the door to see Sapnap facing away from him, shaking in time with his almost silent cries. 

Dream made his way to Sapnap and placed his hand on his shoulder. He felt Sapnap tense and move slightly out of his grasp. He was worried. Sapnap usually loved touches and cuddles but things had been off for the last little while. He needed to know what was wrong with his boyfriend.

“Sap?” Dream asked, barley above a whisper. “Honey, what’s wrong? Please talk to me.”

Sapnap sniffed and turned over to look at Dream, who was now sitting on the bed. 

“Im fine, Dreamy, I promise.” he lied, trying to force a smile on his face. He couldn't even look Dream in the eyes right now after such a dream. He had been awake for hours now, but the memory of the dream was still fresh in his head. He hated that Dream would say that to him, even if it was just his head. It hurt in ways he couldn't describe.

“You’re not fine Sappy.” Dream stated, this time a little louder, still not a full speaking voice.

“Sap, love, did George or I do anything wrong? If we did please tell us and we won't do it again. You know we love you more than anything.”

“You love George more than anything.” sapnap mumbled, Dream wouldn't have heard him if he hadn't been so close to Sapnap.

“What?” Dream asked. 

Sapnap could hear in Dream’s voice that he’d struck a chord. But he didn't care. He had opened the floodgates and was going to let everything out.   
Almost everything.

“You love George more than me.” Sapnap started. “He’s cuter than me, he's funnier than me, smarter than me, plus you two were dating before I was even in the picture.” 

He opened his mouth to continue. But was stopped when he saw Dream’s eyes water in the faint light. 

“Sap.” Dream squeaked. “What are you talking about? I love you both so, so much. There's nothing I wouldn't do for either of you.”

“But… When I was crying yesterday, you left me up here alone and watched The Office without me... It's my favourite show.”

“Sap, we only turned it on so we could discuss what happened without you hearing us. We didn't even notice what show it was. I’m sorry we didn't check on you, but George and I were so distraught because we love you so much. And you were so sad that it made us sad for you.”

“M’ sry” Sapnap mumbled. He was crying still, ever so slightly.

“Can… Can I cuddle you?” dream asked lightly.

Sapnap’s anxiety skyrocketed again. He wasn't sure if he wanted anyone to touch him while he felt so vulnerable and disgusting. But the sadness in dreams eyes convinced him, if only for a moment, that dream saw him as loveable. He couldn't bring himself to admit that maybe Dream did love him like this. But it was enough for him to nod his head.

Dream slid into the small bed and wrapped his arms around Sapnp, spooning him. 

It took everything in him not to push Dreams arms away from his stomach, but he lay there, with Dreams head tucked into his neck. 

He was safe. 

The thoughts eased away for the night. 

He was okay. 

For tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> google docs changes Sapnap to Subpoena. anyways, sorry for taking so long w this chapter, i promise to try and write more frequently in the future. 
> 
> kudos and comments v much appreciated.
> 
> as always have something to eat is you havent yet, i'm looking at you, everyone who i invested in this story. and have some water. 
> 
> love you all <3

**Author's Note:**

> whooooo baby this is tough to write as someone who struggles with an eating disorder, but its a vet fic and it needs to be written by me i guess. more to come hopefully :) 
> 
> comments and kudos are appreciated <3


End file.
